My Baby is 1

It doesn't happen very often. Actually, it rarely happens... I do something I really don't want to do, because someone else wants me to do it! It seems that when it does happen something good always comes from it. Funny how that works! 
I don't want Heidi to forever hear how her Momma didn't want four babies, cause she might think she wasn't wanted! Which is hardly the case. What I do want her hear is how amazing things can happen when we surrender our own desires/wants....like the blessing of Heidi Mae! 

 

She wants to be close to me 24/7, but she adores her Dad.
She kicks her feet in excitement when she sees him, puts her arms out and gives him some snuggles.
Then usually cries for me after a couple minutes!

 She was that newborn that I never thought really existed. Sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, content, easy, always happy, quiet, watchful.  I started thinking that maybe God sent us a "laid back" member of the Family. No one in our household is accommodating, go with the flow, "yes" type of people. Everyone has an opinion, resistance, questions everything, and some are louder about it then others! At 9 months she started to show me that she was not switched at birth, her personality started to fall into line with the rest of the Family! I remember feeding her and she was screaming and swatting the spoon when I put it to her mouth. I switched to a veggie I knew she liked and she ate it perfectly. 

We bought her a house for her 1st Birthday!
I know it might be hard to top this gift.
It might take 6-10 months to build, so I will follow-up with pictures after her Dad finishes building it!

She takes off on a quick crawl when she hears the piano being played!

I'm sure it's typical for a 4th child to have to make sacrifices for the social calendar of everyone else in the family. With the jam packed events of the weekend, our Heidi got to celebrate her Birthday the night before the day she was born! Our little bumblebee felt the way many 1 year olds feel on their Birthday...confused, overwhelmed, annoyed, and tired!

I'm officially one of those women who takes pictures of her party decor
and then blogs about it! Hey, maybe I will get "pinned!"
*I don't have any freebie printouts

Why is my highchair outside? And what are these big things tied to it? 

Heidi is learning all sorts of things from Austin. Eating habits is one of them. Why eat something if you can holler about it, or throw it off the tray, and they give you something else!?! She wings everything she doesn't want, so be careful if you're too close!

Intrigued by all the faces staring at her as we sing Happy Birthday!

Confusion over this glowing thing in front of her.
Brother to the rescue!

She stuck her finger in it. Got this look on her face and flung it...you can see a small
glimpse of a flying cupcake on the left side of picture!

"I don't want it!! Why are you giving it back to me?!!?!!"
Notice the pile of frosting on the floor!

"Now this I recognize.... Cleaning up with paper towels!"

Leave it to Kim to introduce her to the frosting!

By this point she is very unhappy with us!
"why are they forcing me to eat this thing? I don't want it!"

Present Time!
She surprised us by ripping paper off a few of the presents Austin didn't take over.
Her little head is hidden behind a gift bag!

Feeding her baby!

Feeding her self!

We share similar taste!
Her favorite gift was also my favorite gift!
A Pram from Mommy's best friends!

Our little bumblebee

 A few more party pics....

Aunt Chryssi

They had to wait until party festivities were over before they could swim!!!

 We are going to love having Birthday parties for our late Spring baby, swimming pool! The birthday girl doesn't like the water yet. Actually she cried that scared cry when she observed Don and the kids in the water! She went to bed and the party continued with the bigger kids swimming!

They look cold, cause the water IS cold!

Austin insisting that Koco get back in the water!

I'm pretty emotional about my baby turning one. I was selfishly wanting her all to myself at the party. Just soak her up as she opened presents and threw the cupcake. Not that I didn't want others around me to help celebrate this milestone, but I didn't want to be a mother to anyone else but Heidi! She will never know what it is like to have her mother all to herself. But, I know what I'm missing when I'm trying to get Austin to share Heidi's new toys with Heidi or dealing with my older children screaming that I turn on the pool slide. I'm missing all the "little" moments with my last born. I'm not fully in the moment of all the "last." I wish I could be a Michelle Duggar and just float to a cloud of peaceful aura. Remind myself that I did and do enjoy so many little moments and I am savoring all the "last." 
Heidi is one special baby in a special family that I am especially blessed to call my own! As for all the special moments this year has held with Heidi...well, that I save for her 1 year photo book, full of all my emotional memories of the first year with Heidi Mae!
Happy 1st Birthday sweet baby!

Bar Set High

Mother's have impact like no other person. The responsibilities go beyond laundry, dishes, and diapers. It has become more obvious that my role is much bigger than the chore list. As my kids have gotten older I'm seeing how my actions and words are soaked up like a sponge. They expect much of me. Whether it is the comfort of my arms when they fall down, the singing of my voice when they can't sleep, the legs they hide in when they are scared, the desperation on their face when they want me to rescue them from their consequences.  I am expected to be there, take care, and always know what to do!
I felt all these same things about my own mother. As an adult I have come to realize that mother's are normal people! We make mistakes, we get lazy, we loose our cool, we get exhausted, we don't want to always have the bar set so high. It is the price we pay for the unconditional love that comes from our children. My kids may not like me someday. But, they will always love me! I have a place in their heart that no one else will ever have. 
Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing mother's I get to do life with. I am always reminded that I do not have a bar sitting high alone, but surrounded by many many others!

I'm not old, I just "feel" old

I'm feeling my age, at least that is what I'm blaming it on! I don't think I'm "old." I actually love being in my 30's. It is everything I thought it would be. The challenge in my 20's was figuring out the "realities" of life. Thinking I knew what "stress" was in High School and then realizing that was nothing! The 20's is about getting used to the real world. I wouldn't want to go back to my 20's. I'd like my 22 year old legs, but that's about it! My 30's...I'm just having to get used to a body that is getting older.
I ran the Lincoln Half Marathon on Sunday. My 4th Half Marathon. My first since having the last 2 babies. I ran it faster than I did 5 years ago! For that I'm pretty proud of myself. I enjoyed it. I'm looking forward to running the next one! However, three days after running it, my body is exhausted, to the core exhausted. It might have something to do with how full the day was...up at 12:30am with a sick 2 year old, up again at 5am, race at 7am, home by 10:30am, out the door by 12:30, dance concert at 2pm, helping Molly change 3x (in the basement at Burke High School), dinner with my bf, Sunday night television with my hubby, in bed at 10pm. Monday at 4am I was awakened by a sick 2 year old. I was a walking zombie on Monday. I had no appetite. My legs hurt, but it wasn't too bad. Today, I'm still without an appetite, my lungs ache, my body telling me to just sit on the couch!
I'm feeling my age with this race recovery!

Molly loves these two girls

Watching the 'older' girls rehearse

She loves to dance!
I've grown to love watching dance!

I like to look back on running over the years. A couple reasons:
1. I am still surprised I found a "sport" I enjoy. And I'm reminded that just because you weren't an athlete or anything else for that matter in High School doesn't mean your ever to old to find something your good at.
and
2. I have been given so many gifts through my running. 
    ~Friendships
I was and still am friends with Jessica. She ran a half marathon 6 months after having baby #2. It filled something in her at the time, when she needed it the most. I was inspired watching her at the finish line and watching Don finish behind her a Full Marathon. Then Don goes onto to run another race in Arizona and he says to me "that would be a good race for you." That was all I needed to hear. I had the security I needed to say I want to try it. Get Jessica on board to train with me and she starts pestering Kim. The only reason Kim said "yes" is because God wanted her to run with us. (we didn't know that at the time!). I recall Jessica having to really bug her and Jessica isn't someone who bugs. 
I would not have the friendship with those two that is at the level it is if we hadn't ran together! They are like sisters to me. We all ran together about a year and Kim said "never again." Jessica does it to curb the guilt over eating a cupcake. The foundation of friendship was established over those 6am runs through Gretna. Annoyance over someone having an attitude or complaining or pushing each other to finish. Them not being morning people, but showing up because it was most convenient for me. There is nothing like finishing your first race! I'm pretty sure I'll never forget it. I'm glad I got to share it with these two.

Then another friendship came about three years later. I had to go to India and sit next to her for 18 hours on 4 different airplanes to get to know her. We figured out we both like to run. The long days of being at an orphanage had us burning energy in the hallways and stairwells of our Combiatore Hotel. I still can't believe we ran with the aroma of Hindu incense surrounding us! God gave me a friendship that isn't based on our kids, or husbands, or the history we shared in School. 

Just good 'ole "enjoying each other." 

This was my 2nd Race with Susie

Mile 11 and we are smiling!
This is probably what I love about running with her...we keep it positive. When one of us isn't positive we call the other out on it and there isn't annoyance there is just positivity!

~Random acts of kindness
I didn't think I'd be able to run this Spring. Don leaves at 5:30am six mornings a week, long days with kids, and exhaustion in the evenings. Running is my escape. My only place to find solitude. The only long stretch I get to clear my head, refuel, soak in God's blessings, and overwhelm myself with thankfulness for all I have been given. I started thinking it wasn't my season to run. Who am I kidding, I have four demanding kids and a husband who works long hours. A week after I thought in my head, "I'm going to stop running for the next couple years," a longtime friend stopped by my house to drop something off. She was headed to the gym. She shared how she hates running, but does a little bit on the treadmill to keep her heart healthy. I started sharing how I was probably going to have to give up running. She leaves my house and 2 days later I get a message from her. Simply put, "God is telling me to help you run. I'm glad he isn't telling me to run! We will talk about your schedule when you get home from Colorado." I immediately burst into tears. Austin was sitting next to me and says, "Mommy? Mommy cry?" Tears of joy little man, Mommy is happy, overwhelmed, overcome with God's goodness. My friend Kris came over two mornings a week for more than two months so I could run. Austin calls her "krissy." He loved the routine of having a playmate for a short amount of time while "Mommy run." 
Life is so much better when we stop saying God doesn't do anything for me and we start noticing the little things He gives us. They are everywhere, everyday, and in all things. We just have to train our thoughts to take notice.  

The day after my race the kids had their annual "Torch Run" at School.
My ambitious Molly ran 3 miles!!!!!
Poor thing is suffering from the same thing as her Mom...sore legs, exhaustion, no appetite!
I am so proud of her!

13 miles of running has nothing on the challenge of this group!
I am so in love with each one of them

Some Mom Moments

Life has been full, crazy, nonstop, overwhelmingly busy. 
~Future warning: When your kids enter School the last weeks of April and the month of May are crazier then the Christmas season.

 Outside of the very full calendar, we have the "normal" life happening when you have 4 kids. Potty training was a success the first week.  Austin was doing both #1 and #2 on the toilet. I felt like a could write a book about potty training. I could get a check mark on the the list of "what makes you a great mother." Then week #2 happened and #2 went from toilet to pants or the School playground if that's where your at! Fell right out of his shorts and in a pile under the slide. Don scooped it up with mulch and we stuck it in a diaper. Cleaned Austin up with wipes, stuck the "just in case" pants on him from the car, and he went back to playing! When I stick him on the toilet to clean him off, he says, "Yay! Good Job!" No Austin, you didn't poop in the potty. This is not the time for "Good Job!" 

She is such a cheerleader! She yells, "Kick it up Pumas!" from the side lines. She doesn't stop moving her mouth...ever!

Molly came home from School last week and informed me one of her friends got an American Girl Doll from the Tooth Fairy! YES, the Tooth Fairy brings $100 Dolls these days!!!! Where was this Fairy when I was a kid!?! Why can't she slide a $5 bill under the pillow and the parents put the doll next to her with a note..."Way to loose that tooth!" How am I suppose to explain that our fairy doesn't have the budget, and if she did she doesn't want to use it for a teeny disgusting tooth. She is saving it for Christmas!
I fell asleep with Austin during his nap. It was that kind of sleep that hits you hard, the drool is immediate and there is no dreaming, just deep sleep. It lasted about 20 minutes and I felt a tap on my shoulder. Molly was gesturing for me to come out of the room. I get out in the hallway and she starts talking nonstop..."I was counting my money and I have $132 and Sage cost $110 and I have enough to buy Sage Mom, I have enough money (add high pitch voice and a shrill screech of excitement). I am still half out of it..."did you wake me up to tell me this? Who is Sage?" On the counter laid out is the current American Girl Doll magazine, quarters stacked in piles of 4, and some cash, as well as a post it note with 67+15=132. I was not fully awake, so I wasn't  clear headed, but I could do the math. "Molly, you need to add those numbers up again." She got all nervous and I wrote 82 on her note. "You need $28." Cue the whine, "that is a lot of money, how will I get that much money?" Me, "you can do the chore list I have put together that you don't want to do...you can make $5 week and it will only take you a month to have enough for Sage." Cue the whine, "that is too long. The chores are too hard. I don't want to do chores." (the chore list has 'fill the napkin holder on kitchen table, make sure each bathroom has toilet paper, pick up shoes on laundry room floor...very difficult!)  
Funny thing is she went outside and cued the crying with her dad. When she said something that night about me ordering Sage I ignored it. I asked Don what he told Molly, "I said I would give her $28." Me, "What?! This is a great teaching moment!" Don, "She came to me crying like I'd just ran over her new puppy. I couldn't say No!" I laughed in my head and decided to wait and see if I get asked by Molly and told by Don to order Sage! 

2nd Grade Music Program
The Lean Green Air Machine called for sunglasses.
She practiced her "game face" in the mirror at home. I told her there was no way she wouldn't be able to smile! I was right, she tried really hard to have a serious face!

I attended Molly's program alone. Don was out of town and I didn't see the point in going if I had to deal with Austin and Heidi. I saved myself any embarrassment and asked my 11 and 13 year old nieces to come over. I was going to be gone a hour. (I mentioned earlier Austin stopped going #2 on the toilet). During the program my phone starts vibrating. I answer it, listen to Grant ask me if Kate should clean Austin? He pooped on the floor. I cup my hand over my mouth and whisper to him to put Kate on the phone! I was on the phone about 22 seconds. I was the first person out of the bleachers and in the classroom to pick up my kid. On the way to the car I tell Molly, "I'm sorry we had to rush out of there. Kate called and Austin pooped his pants." "I saw you on the phone Mom. You were trying to hide it, but I thought something must have happened with Heidi or Austin!" Molly misses nothing!

Grant lost his first tooth. The boy has been waiting all School year. His permanent tooth wasn't so patient and started to work it's way behind the loose tooth. He started complaining about it hurting and so I took him to the dentist. When I told him I called and made an appointment he had the same excitement after I've made a playdate with a friend. He was telling everyone he was getting his tooth pulled! It really wasn't that loose, but the dentist put some numbing cream on it and worked it out. The boy flinched once and out it came. His pain tolerance astounds me! He left a seashell, the tooth fairy toy from McDonalds (Rise of the Guardians movie), his tooth, and a note that says "this is for you" next to his pillow! "Why are you giving her a seashell?" Grant, "Cause I have two of them." 

My minivan has joined right into the crazy of my family. It seems to be eating dog food, or someone pulled an annoying prank and dumped dog food into my air vents? We have no idea what is happening, but when the a/c blows it smells like dog food. There are dog food pieces on the floor of the passenger side floor. I clean them up and a few days later...more pieces appear! The other day Don texted me...'when I opened the glove box dog food fell on the floor'. WEIRD! Don swears he put the dog food bag in the very back. He seems to think Austin went out to the garage, filled a cup full of our dog's food, opened the van door, and poured the food into the vents!!!! Even Austin couldn't pull that off! Too bad my brand new car smell is gone and my brand new minivan is no longer new after 4 months. Nothing stays nice for long when you have kids, maybe I should add...without a lot of work!

Winter Drag

I don't let anyone use the word "bored" in our house. But, this isn't really my house, it is the web, and if you know me I don't ever get "bored," however, the only word that can sum up this week is boring! The reason....It is April 20th and still Winter in Nebraska. I'm not exaggerating....it is still winter!!!

With 4 kids in our house, boring doesn't mean uneventful! A few things that our boring week churned out....

Potty Training Take 2 was a success! Austin is potty trained! 3 down and 1 to go! When you wait until your kiddo is ready it is pretty amazing how much simpler the training process goes! Remember...toddlers like to be in control!!!! Even if you have to do some pretending that they control the process, when maybe it is the Skittles, Ring Pops, Soda,  and new Train Apps on Ipad, that is calling the shots!

Molly and Grant got a lecture in respect. Now we have laid out the rule of answering us with a "yes mom" "yes Dad" response. This will be very challenging as every response up until this week has been a, "can Grant do it?" "I don't want to" "that's not fair" or something similar!  When we had them practice answering this way with some role playing it was rather funny!

Molly's room is filled with list!
This one is a list of all stuffed animals, names, and date of birth!!!

She loves baby dolls!

The kids built a fort everyday after School with the couch cushions.
I joined these two in there...it was hot, but worth the smiles I got from their excitement in me being in there!

Bribery works wonders when Potty Training.
When I handed the spare pants/undies to his Sunday School teacher Austin said, "Potty Training?!"

Heidi pulled herself to a standing position!!!! This is HUGE, cause the 11 month old has done nothing with her legs in regards to standing. She is a beautiful crawler, so we ruled out anything serious being an issue. As a mom who had 3 kids walking before they were 1, it has caused me a little worry. My firstborn didn't say an actual word until she was Austin's age (28 months), and now she doesn't stop talking. So, hopefully Heidi waits to join the track/field club until she is 12 and not at 2!

Spring brings a very busy calendar. I would be a little embarrassed to share my calendar for April and May. I know Families are busy and everyone's "I'm so busy" looks different. I  just feel that as Moms we are harshly judging other Families "busy." So, I would hesitate to share it. 

I have School aged kiddos. The good ole days of participating in 1 sport for 1 season and then moving onto the next sport in the next season is gone.  My bf's and I talk about how annoying this is...they shouldn't have to decide at 7 years old what sport they want to play. If you don't pick one then you end up playing two and this puts a whole kink on the quality family time. This has all just begun for us. I'm not ready to give my kids up every night of the week for a couple hours. It is more the rushing of getting them where they need to go that is the challenge. Not the hour they spend practicing. Everything lands between 5:30 and 6:30pm. When do we eat?! Most nights it is around 4:45/5pm!!! Right now my kids are learning the game of Soccer! First time trying this sport...well, 2nd time for Molly. She was 5years old and didn't like "running" for 45 minutes. I didn't blame her!

He is enjoying Soccer!
I was hoping this wouldn't be the case...it is an intense sport in
 the town of Gretna!!!

Zoe and Jayna
Dance BFF's

 My kids will read this someday and wonder why I wrote I am frustrated with being forced to choose a sport, yet I have Molly in competitive dance! This is a good question! I don't have a good answer...maybe because dance is a gradual progression of growth, and it always changes, and she is less likely to get burned out or bored with it, it is indoors, being on stage is where Molly shines! and the big part...she loves it. Never complains, goes into dance studio with a smile and leaves with an even bigger one. She is at a studio that fosters fun and positivity and embraces that everyone has different things they do well, she gets a totally different group of friends outside of School to spend time with...I could keep going. If or When Grant finds something like that then I will probably do the same thing! Then maybe when Heidi wants to do it I will have a firm No!!! Our firstborns are the ones we practice on!!!! It is why they are statistically the ones who end up in Therapy!!!!!!

Please God....bring us Spring!

15 Year Anniversary

I got married 15 years ago today! I still remember many of the small details of the day. I was so excited. I was so eager to share every day and night with Don. It was as if the there were only a few weeks left in our lives and we had to be together. I recall thinking that two years was an eternity. Why would I go through an eternity to do then what I want to do now...be with Don. He was my best friend, the person I wanted to share all the details of my day with and spend all my time with and plan my future with, and everything and everyone else wasn't as important as him. It wasn't that they weren't important, it just wasn't even a thought that life outside of him was happening. We had bought a little house together on 60th and L Street. He was working during the day and taking plumbing classes at night. I was struggling to find my place in college and what I wanted to major in. My family was falling apart and the future at home uncertain. Nothing at the time seemed clear except the fact I wanted to be with Don. 
We were babies on our wedding day. I had just turned 20 and Don was two weeks shy of 20 years old. It is true that getting married that young presents itself with a set of challenges that otherwise wouldn't occur. I would be lying if I said the word divorce hadn't been brought up, more than once. A wise therapist was a gift for our marriage. I am thankful we are past the 3 year "reality sets in" and the 7 year "itch" didn't get scratched. I'm glad we hit the 10 year milestone, which I also mark as memorable as my wedding day. My husband out did himself that anniversary! I'm sad we are done making babies, but overwhelmed with gratitude that we have four of them together. I don't take for granted that we are in the "best" years of our lives right now. I have hope that the best years of our marriage are ahead, because right now we are in the throes of needy children and businesses. Exhaustion gets the best of us most days. He is here, but I miss him. I have to share him with lots of little people and the stress of life that consumes his and my minds. Someday I will write about all the time we have to sip coffee, take a road trip just for fun, and talk about the days when all the kids were little!!!!
Today, we celebrate 15 years married! I would still choose him. I think that is a good sign!

 

Grand Canyon

Believe it or not I needed a break from these little people!

I went to Cave Creek, Arizona and hung out in my Dad's second home. The best thing to being alone is being with my brother. I say that, because we expect very little from one another. I feel no need to watch my mouth or my attitude when I'm with him. We don't exactly bring out the best in each other, but at the same time he is the easiest relationship in my life. We are 13 months apart in age. We live very different lives, but have always been friends.

I took a picture of myself all alone with my coffee.
I'm never allowed this luxury at home!

 Arizona weather is hard to describe unless you've experienced it. Nebraska weather is NEVER consistent. It is obsessed over and talked about and then what you worried about happening at the end of the week ends up not even occurring then it all gets talked about again. I guess a good word for NE weather...dramatic! Arizona weather is the complete opposite. It is sunny like 363 days a year, it has an actual "breeze" (which never happens in NE), it is warm all day and then this perfect cool "cardigan" weather at night. It is a dry heat, so when the Flight Attendant tells you it is 90 degrees outside you need not worry about sweating the minute you walk outside. That is right, you don't sweat! The only people that wouldn't think AZ is super crazy hot in the summer is NE people. We experience a heat wave in July that causes moisture beads to start the minute you step outside, and the hot wind blows your hair all out of place, and you can only do something outside if it is by water. Not much different then AZ, except no moisture and no wind!

Completely flat except for the mountains that just pop out of the ground in random places

Did I mention you have to watch your every step for a rattlesnake?! The warthogs rome freely in the neighborhood, and you don't want to lean on a tree for support!

The Grand Canyon is only 3 hours and 11 minutes away (according to the GPS).  If you ride with myself or my brother in my Dad's aaamaaazzing Mercedes it will take about 2 hours 45 minutes!

Something else that is hard to put into words or do justice with pictures....The Grand Canyon!

The North Rim
Don't quote me, but pretty sure this side can't be reached by car

CO River and some other River connect here!!!

The Canyon was worth the drive-up

I saw the Grand Canyon and visited Sedona 10 years ago with Don. It always makes me feel old when I realize how long it has been since I've been somewhere. When Don and I went there was no gift shop or railing around the "visiting area" around the South Rim of the Canyon. Now, it is pretty fancy. There is even a shuttle! I wouldn't be paralyzed with fear taking Austin up there, although I would still put him on one of those backpack leashes!!!
The drive home had us taking a scenic highway that took us through Sedona. We walked around downtown Sedona and enjoyed some fried Rattlesnake! Yep, I did 2 things in one day that I had never done before...helicopter ride and ate some rattlesnake.

Sedona is breathtaking

He looks bored! This is before we ate fried Rattlesnake!

Mike,
             Thanks for agreeing to "escape" the grind of our daily lives with me! Our relationship is why I value the sibling bond so strongly with my own kids. I want them to have what I have with you. That unfailing trust that you will always have my back, tell me when I'm being a b*^#*, or point out that my butt has gotten smaller! Whether we go 3 months without talking or 1 year without seeing each other, I know you will always be my brother...and my friend! An added perk, your the only one who remembers how Mom and Dad fought over a map on vacation! The apple didn't fall far from the tree on that one! (for the record: I didn't cry!)
  Happy Birthday!
 
My brother had never seen the 7th Wonder of the World. What is the best way to celebrate your 34th Birthday!?! Marking off your bucket list... Helicopter ride over Grand Canyon.