Peace and Harmony

It seems the atmosphere in our home ebbs and flows. I wish the flow of peace and harmony occurred more then the ebb of challenges. I've come to assume that this is the cycle of life in relationships. I mean when we are trying to live in harmony with imperfect people and we are imperfect, then it would only be obvious that life will be imperfect! 
Marriage is one of the most complex and amazing relationships. You've made a commitment til "death do we part." If you are like myself and my husband and you are firm in the stance that there is no other options, you must work to live in peace and harmony! This can be exhausting and exhilarating all in the same day! 
Take the relationship of marriage and add the relationship of siblings and you have another ball of complexities to bring exhaustion and joy. Take four strong willed, opinion wielding, stubborn, pride induced people and you get challenges that make living in a harmonious and peaceful home something that makes you stop and wonder if it will ever get easy? Or maybe as the years go by the challenges aren't so daunting, because you've come through so much. 

Wrestling has opened Grant up to the feelings that come with loosing and being disappointed in yourself.

I can list amazing traits that each of my children have been gifted. The list would be extremely long for my older kids as I have a better understanding of their personalities. I could list about five traits each that are those you wish weren't thrown in there, or that a handbook popped out of the womb with them that allowed you insight into how to mold, instill control, and mature these particular unbecoming traits! Give that my oldest kids are 17 months and 2 weeks apart in age, they are the opposite sex, and they love each other so much that every unbecoming trait is vomited out often because of the complete and absolute security they possess in their love for one another! What you get is parents exhausted, overwhelmed, and unclear about how to move forward with consistency, love, and a firm hand.

When I say four people I mean the parents and the two older kids! Don and I aren't exactly go with the flow people. He might not state his opinion in a crowd, but he most definitely does at home! You will find me throwing my opinion out for all to hear both at home and anywhere else, I mean doesn't everybody want to hear another way to do it or look at it!? 

 I have a newfound love for babies and toddlers. My best friend has always had it and I never understood until recently, she loves everything babies and thinks they are the best part of the human life cycle...no question or doubt! She will allow everything and everyone to fall into a realm of nonexistence when she has her baby in her arms. She actually apologizes for being a terrible friend after she has given birth. Those close to her know it is coming when she is pregnant! 

It took longer to get him dressed then he was actually outside!
He was upset he couldn't sled with the big kids and what does Mom know about playing in the snow?!

I have this crazy busy toddler in the house and this cute and cuddly 9 month old. They don't roll their eyes, or give me attitude, they don't try and lie about how many times they have worn the same pair of pants, they don't understand the importance of bathing so when they give a tantrum it's no big deal. It's so much easier to deal with then the arguing and attitude I get about bath night for my daughter...who understands that your privates need to be cleaned~gross! My older kids don't tell me very often how much they love me.  Hugs are sometimes resisted and kissing is embarrassing. Austin and Heidi have unconditional love for their parents. Life hasn't started to set in on them yet. It is that love that has no expectations or attachments that takes my BF away. I'm not sure when our toddlers turn to preschoolers who turn to people who have expectations that start to make being in relationship with them a mental challenge. I find myself again asking God to slow time...give me more time. Keep them little.

Molly and Grant have been treating each other so poorly lately. They are stuck in that cycle that Don and I sometimes get into...who is going to be the first to back down? Funny thing is right now Don and I are in a good flow. We just came off an ebb, so maybe our kids are on the flow when we ebb and we flow when they ebb! Maybe I should be praying it always stays that way! Fat chance!

The other morning I hear Molly just going off on Grant after he touched a toilet paper roll in her room. This TP roll is special because it has been decorated and added to the "duck tape" shelf of fame. She thinks everything in her room, including her trash, is off limits and should not be touched or looked at by anyone other then her parents.  It came at no surprise to Grant that she went off after he touched the TP roll. I actually think that was his intentions...to get a rise out of Molly. Here lies the problem, they are doing this on a consistent almost nonstop basis right now to each other. 
 I sat down and got in my lecture mode and started pulling out all the threats with Molly. What I was going to take away and how I was tired of hearing her treat her brother with such disrespect. I was letting it all spill out when I heard myself ask, "do you talk to your friends like this?" She gets the smile off her face (which comes out when she is nervous and in trouble and took me a VERY long time to not freak out over!) and her eyes fill with tears and she blurts out, "my friends talk to me like that mom, but I don't say anything. I walk away and ignore them." My heart hurts and I turn from frustrated to compassionate. "Why do you want to talk that way to your brother if you don't like to be treated that way?" Molly's response, "cause it's Grant. He will still be my brother." Little girl talk for "I take him for granted and I know no matter what he will still be there for me."  Ugh, the challenges of motherhood have only begun. A firm hand with a heart full of hurt for your child. I still had to address the issue of respect and words and tone and I looked at her and said, "your friends might not be your friends tomorrow, but your brother will always be your brother and that means it is even more important to treat him with kindness. I want this house to be a place where you know you will be loved and treated kindly. You can have bad days with friends and know your home is safe from mean words and unkind people." 
And without even realizing it I said something I want to instill in my home and in the heart of my children. Home is love and acceptance and kindness. Home is not perfect, but it is a refuge from the world. It won't happen on it's own. As parents we must train and instill and mold and mature the atmosphere to be such. It goes well with the reading from my daily devotional: 
Jesus Calling by Sarah Young 
February 26th
Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and return to Me. I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that. Relax and enjoy the journey in My presence, trusting Me to open up the way before you as you go.

~I have decided to change my text to italics. A little harder to read, but when I write it feels more like I'm using a pen and not typing a research paper! I'm a visual person!!!