Beauty after a Storm

The last two years have been a whirlwind. Maybe the last three years! It is as if I've been amidst a storm filled with the sort of thunder that makes me scared, even as an adult, big streaks of lightening that bolt across the sky and light up the darkness. A storm that has varying degrees of downpour over a short amount of time. A storm that causes you to race around the house shutting windows and grabbing blankets and finding the safest room in the house. A room on the lowest level without any windows. Then when your down there you gather the ones you love the most and you hold them tight and you smile and laugh and you aren't even aware of the storm happening outside. After you've taken safety for awhile you decide to gently go back upstairs and you look at the windows and when you're ready you open the front door and you step outside. What you see takes your breathe away, because it's beautiful. The storm leaves this indescribable stillness. The lightening still illuminates parts of the sky, but you just catch the light and not the dangerous bolts. It's as if the rain had some magic in it that turned everything an amazing shade of green. You stand no the porch and take it all in with a small thought that this wouldn't be something I would take time to notice if I hadn't just experienced the storm.

Don and the kids have been my "safety." They have been the place I've gathered emotionally. It is hard to describe, but all I can think to write is that they are where my thoughts settle. At the end of each storm I'm drawn out to look at the beauty of my life and not the storm itself. I'm so very thankful I have Austin and Heidi to pull my attention back to their toddler/preschool cuteness. The cuddles and kisses and naughty antics that make me smile. I'm so thankful that my older kids aren't too old to not need me. I might say this with every stage, but the ages of my kids right now are my favorite. They are truly in a spot that has me wanting to freeze time! 

My baby will be three years old in a few weeks. She is potty trained. She talks clearly and tries to sing. She loves the fact she wears panties and a pull-up for night night time. She screams her simple demands at her siblings, "I want Mommy to do it." "That's my white chair." "watch Team Umizoomi" (or Paw Patrol or Blaze or Bubble Guppies. It just depends no the day).

Austin is the perfect big brother...most of the time. He adjust his hot wheels to share with her. He explains things to her and encourages her. Watching him cheer her on as she went down the slide for the first time and the smile on her face, priceless. He rushed to the office to grab the spanking spoon to fend off the ladybug that was preventing Heidi from being able to get out of my bathroom! "I get the ladybug away from you Heidi!" In the carwash Austin softly spoke to Heidi about the soap being sprayed on the car, making Heidi feel safe. Then suddenly Austin screams in unison with the high pressure water being squirted and Heidi erupts in a cries of terror! I overreact and snap at Austin that his screaming caused Heidi to get scared! This cause the sensitive Austin to erupt into tears. And so both my littles are crying in the carwash. 

My list of "Mom fails" is extensive. I'm pretty sure I'd declare defeat if I spent time thinking about them. Instead, I rise above the failures and grasp ahold of the things I did well that day, the words I kept in, the hugs I stopped and gave, the pushes on the swing I did even though everything in me just wanted to sit, the mundane details I attentively listened to in a story about a child I don't even know who did something and how the teacher responded to this funny thing. I give myself a 'good job Sarah' for not forcing the positive when all they needed was validation. I'm here. I'm present. I'm consumed with thoughts for them. I'm always striving for better in my marriage, because a healthy relationship with their Dad is going to make for secure kids who will be emotionally healthy adults. And that's my goal at the end of each day...to send my kids into adulthood with a bag of "good" bigger then the bag of "bad." 

Winter

Christmas came upon us way too fast, then I blinked and it was over. The tree put away and January was ushered in by Influenza A. One (of the many) hard parts of having four kids is that when one gets sick you just know that it's going to hit the others, but you aren't sure when it will hit. Molly got knocked down by the flu and I prayed, washed hands like crazy, kept her away from the others, and was optimistic when a week went by and no one else got sick! Then two weeks went by and we are avoiding the dreaded 'flu.' Molly still coughs and blows her nose, but no one else was hit...yet! You see, I thought it would be a great idea to help pass the long winter by joining the gym. The little's would enjoy the play area and the pool and I would get some needed 'run' time done. According to the Pediatrician the Gym Daycare is the worst place in town to drop your kids. Sick kids and healthy kids get stuck together and it's a breeding spot for the transfer of germs. When Heidi came down with a fever and refused to eat and tested positive for Influenza two weeks after Molly was sick...well, that means we didn't get sick from sister, but from the Gym daycare! Great! I swear a mother can do absolutely NOTHING without feeling a tinge of guilt. The month of January was spent quarantined in the house, recovering and keeping our germs to ourselves. 

The weather in Nebraska is not conducive to helping high energy boys burn their energy. The 1 hours indoor Soccer game on Saturday wasn't enough to keep Grant from bouncing off the walls, couch, and his little brother. So, we forced him into wrestling! It's what the Zeleny boys do, wrestle. And to this mom it seemed like a logical choice to help keep the peace in the house.

 January means "dance" at our house. The dance world is pretty quiet in the Fall/early Winter. I think I managed to go into the studio about 2x over 6 months with the amazing carpool set-up I have this year! If I wasn't friends with one of the dance teachers I would have no clue what was happening in the world of Nebraska Dance, who I am kidding, Molly tells me everything! I don't need to go into the studio to hear all the details! It's a win-win for me! (that place is loud, chaotic, and filled with too many people). 

Then February came and it was time to load the van to the bursting point and strap in for the 9 hour car ride to Beaver Creek Resort in Avon, Colorado! Mom's Birthday would be spent in the mountains. It was the first Ski Trip as Family and it went much better then I assumed it would. 

Austin and Heidi seemed to understand the 'vacation' idea. They were excited by the change of scenery as I they explored the condo we rented and quietly looked out the windows at the mountains and all the snow! Heidi is definitely the most adaptable in the Family. She has a "go with the flow" attitude that must be the criteria for the baby of four. Austin, he doesn't have any characteristics remotely close to "go with the flow." The boy does NOT do well with change! 

Austin is somewhat excited about skiing. Actually he is excited that he gets to be apart of everything the older kids are doing, and not lumped in with Heidi, who he sees as a 'baby.' The fact that he would be going down a mountain on mini sleds didn't sink in until we dropped him off at Ski School...and I left!

Molly and Grant are in their element in the mountains! They LOVE everything about snow skiing. Being on the slopes with them is a great experience for Don and I as we get to spend hours seriously enjoying them. There isn't tattling on the mountain, or arguing, there isn't telling them how to behave, there isn't attitudes or raised voices. We all legitimately enjoy each other! And for this reason we will spend a week every winter in the mountains! 

And when Austin and Heidi are a few years older we will put them in Ski School together! Because, nobody wants to be dropped off on the side of a mountain to learn something all by themselves! Austin is no idiot! He lasted three hours in ski school and refused to do any more! He wanted to be with his sister...his little sister! Isn't that what vacations are all about...being together!

Thank you Pinterest for the great Ski Vacation in Beaver Creek! 
We can't wait to come back next year!