whining

I watched what I ate today. I drank a lot of water today. I put on my sports bra first thing this morning. I prepared my head to go out for a run at 3:30 when Don gets home from work. I hate the treadmill. I really hate the idea of running when the crazyness of the older kids being home starts.  It was a emotionally exhausting day. I thought about a run at 9pm tonight, but Don is worried I'll get snatched by some crazy person or hit by a car. I'm not going for a run today.
I want to run again. Get up at 6am and start my morning run staring at the stars.  Finish my run watching the pink/orange glow of the sunrise. I want to come into the house and hear the morning commotion. I want to run before the day starts. Before the stress and overwhelming thoughts fill my mind. I want to run when it only takes 2 miles to clear my head and I get to spend the last 2 miles overwhelmed with gratitude and praise for the life God has given me. When the streets are quiet and the air is crisp. When the wind isn't blowing as hard when I leave as when I get back. I want to know my workout is done and I conquered miles on foot before 7am and, therefore, I can conquer the baby/toddler/kid crazy schedule that is ahead.
I want what I can't have these days. I've found myself seriously grieving that I can't have want I want the way I want it. It is like one of Austin's tantrums, but it is in my head. A few tears have been shed, but I'm a girl who easily cries!
I married a man who prefers the darkness, the quiet, the solitude at the job site at 5:30am. So, I guess we both want the same thing. But, because he pays the bills, well he gets what he wants!
I can't believe I am actually thinking 4:30am doesn't sound that bad.

when your a running shoe...
the pavement is better then organized on the closet shelf